starter problems
 

The starter quit on my girlfriends piece of 99 Hyundai Accent - the gear wouldn't engage. I had the starter rebuilt and put it back in to hear a horrible grinding sound.
I inspected and reinstalled a few times- still grinding and the starter gear is chewed.
I brought the car to the starter shop and told him he must have put the wrong gear on. He gave me a new gear - still grinding and chewed the gear.
I bought a brand new starter - still grinding.
Went to the scrapyard and got a used starter - still grinding.
Changed the flexplate which for some stupid reason is welded to the torque converter (had to buy a remanufactured torque converter for $300 and pull out the trans!) It sounded a little rough but not grinding brutally like before.

Now 2 years later it is grinding terribly! Some are telling me that you have to shim the starter motor and use paint to see how is engaging. I have never heard of this. There were no shims when I took the starter out! Anybody have any experience with this type of problem. I am majorly pissed and frustrated at the thought of having to remove that tranny again. I'm hoping that if I can put a new gear on the starter there is enough of the flywheel left for things to work. Please help! How could Iscrew something up that is so simple?

If I do have to change the torque converter again - does anyone know other models and years that will have the same transmission/torque converter so I can get one at a scrapyard?