It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

 

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ‘I just need to outrun you.’

 

3 dogs at the vet, and one dog said to the other what are you here for. The first dog says I like to taste my nuts taste good, and it feels good. I'm getting neutered! Now he asks what are you hear for, second dog says I got to mark my territory I pee on everything trees, bushes, and funuture! I'm getting neutered too! So now they ask the 3rd dog what are you hear for? My master got out of the shower, she dropped her contact lens. So there she was on all fours looking for it, I had to do it I couldn't help myself! So both dogs said so you're getting neutered too! Dog replied no I'm just here to get my nails trimmed!

 

What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
Why didn’t the skeleton go on the rollercoaster? It didn’t have the guts.
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

 

Three cats went for their yearly examination to the veterinarian.
"I detest coming here," said the first cat. They attempt to put me on a diet every time. How can a cat enjoy a satisfying meal without fear of being judged?
"You think that's bad?," joined in from the second cat. They gave me a chance the last time. I attempted to object, but my meow-screams were ignored.
With a smug expression, the third cat remarked, "You know what? It doesn't bother me at all. The vet seems to like me the best, really. They think I'm purr-fect every time I visit."